Military, will they give us weapons? … and other questions from clients [18+]

Well, comrades, it's time to do FAK, because the questions are all the same:

1. What can be done with my car?
Anything you want, but first you need to specify the make, model, year of manufacture, mileage, fuel, hardware, wishes, as well as your region. Without this, I can treat you based on a photo indefinitely. Why no one thinks to immediately provide this information — only Vanga knows.
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2. How many horses and newtons will I have?
There will be no more and no less than what the car allows — this is the whole principle of custom firmware. That is, we will get the maximum possible according to your technical specifications, but the result always depends on the condition of the car — that is why none of the companies on the market will sign a guarantee for "power and newtons." Numerous measurements confirm this — there are no identical cars regardless of the type of firmware.

In general, the obsession with horsepower and newtons is very characteristic of Russia — after all, if you can write about a car having slightly more power than your neighbor — then it's a great victory… a victory of one tuner and one budget over others, but not an increased size of the owner's farm. At the same time, neither the weight of the car, nor its condition, nor the type of fuel is taken into account… really, why? They promised — so they will do it )))

+50 horsepower in the middle and only +26 at the end… so what is more important for you, clients? Why measure against friends here?

The numbers of horsepower and newtons themselves mean nothing — many measurements show a sharp spike in torque on boost and then a "blank" on the shelf. A simple example of how a small increase in peak power (+26 horsepower) is heavily compensated by a rise in the middle (+50 horsepower):
www.drive2.ru/b/1085483/
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3. Is this from the wheels?
OMG… friends, all companies indicate everything from the flywheel and in 99% on RON98 of good quality.
Or do you still believe in Santa and that horses will suddenly become wheel-based, and seconds infinitely small?
And, yes — this is on new spark plugs, coils, with clean valves, an unstretched chain, reasonable mileage, and no holes in the intake. This is not a spherical horse in a vacuum, but close to that on any car with significant mileage in Russia.
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"I have an error" and further examples: nothing starts (the generator is dead), the car backfires (the pump is dead, crookedly installed in some garage), wiring error (as usual, someone in the service forgot to put the connector on the socket), there are misses (dead coils and spark plugs, sometimes injectors) and the most common issue for 99% of cars — "suddenly it doesn't go" (simply the pipes have come off, incorrectly screwed in another garage).

Comrades, diagnostics by photo does not work; if you have errors — they must be resolved in the service first and check the car thoroughly. Of all the cars, none of the above reasons were related to the firmware… nevertheless, each inquiry has to be processed and dealt with what the service should deal with.
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P.S.
You can whine in the comments about how bad and strict I am ))
I will smile and continue my vacation, as no one will make conclusions anyway ))))

Good luck to everyone, smooth boost, no holes in the pipes, good fuel, honest tuners, and mighty 100-200! And may the wheel forces be with you! ))

P.P.S.
And another question is often asked — how to become a dealer.
Perhaps I will answer it precisely someday, but experience shows that 99% of those asking do not even remotely understand the volumes and complexity of a dealer's work… an example of just one car is outlined in the saga of four parts here: www.drive2.ru/b/1910232/
Read it and think, do you really want to be a dealer?